Deception of the Heart

I have felt a weight on my heart of late. That pressure that ever so gently, but ever so firmly presses on the parts of my life that are in need of transforming. It is to be expected I guess, when the Spirit of the King resides within you. It is evidence of my King shaping and changing me to something closer to his likeness, and that is why I have joy. But as His fire burns and the dross of my life is consumed, I groan because these changes are never without struggle and sacrifice. But why does my heart react this way and resist these changes that He intends for my ultimate Joy?

Why is my heart determined to set me on the path that leads to death? My very being desires to follow temptation and repeat the same mistake that my first parents made. But now here enters the struggle. Things are not as they where when I was little. Now the truth, the mystery of the ages has been revealed to me. I have been bought and paid for at the highest price. Now I can see the path that leads to death. I have a choice; to follow or to rebel and see my self in His place. His Spirit encourages me, desires for me to stay on the Kings road, the true path. But my heart is not always so in sync with His.

But I do understand. My heart wants me to believe that it is for my benefit, that it would be better to disregard my king and follow my own path. It seems like selfishness, but how can it be? For it is my gain and never my loss, to follow in the ways that my King desires. So I can only surmise that it is because my heart desires nothing more than to commit treason against Him. 

Madness and foolishness! 

I know the truth. 

I see the price at which I have been bought.

His love for me so clearly displayed. 

The ferociousness of his commitment to me. 

And yet my heart still wishes to rebel!

But he has revealed to me the only way to change is through this struggle. So I welcome the fire to consume the parts of my heart that still desire to be God. I need to understand that the instant I start to believe that I can change those parts of me, I have failed. But as I continue on His road, and meet these trials and struggles with Him. I have to remind myself and believe that He knows better than my own heart does. And I embrace the freedom that this truth brings.